Close

It is getting close
oh so very close
Close to the day I have always dreamed
Close to a day that shows the reality

So many physical sensations I feel in this very moment, butterflies in my stomach, restlessness in my body, cravings of sugar, I am excited, nervous, sad...many emotions. This past year has been a huge roller coaster ride between my dancing, friendships, career...my life. I have lost some friends, loved ones...people that I truly have loved, that I have spent a lot of time with, celebrated monumental events in there life with them and due to a difference in being, of thinking they are no longer in my life. It is sad, they have been my dance partners, my friends, my laughter, my escape and now none of them are here, none of them will be with me on my special day.

When I am sad in my life, it is always due to a physical loss of a person in my life. So sadness resonates with me, it has for quite some time, I smile because I am happy in other areas of my life but the sadness still exists. It is  like there is a shadow that follows me. It's a part of me, but at a distance. It's a distant part of me.This sadness, this distance, has created a space inside me; a whole to be filled.

I tell myself it's no big deal, but it is because it hurts. The emptiness is real, I feel it. As many beautiful wonderful things happen, I still carry you sadness.

But it's time to let you go. Let you go into the world, to move, to shape to shift to something new; a new  shape, new form-become love.

There has been a terrible loss in my best friends life, a Friend I have known since I was seven, who always loved me for me, supported everything I have ever did. A true love. Our friendship is so beautiful and pure, I now have her back in my life, but she has lost her dad. An amazing man, that words cannot do any justice to describe his generosity, love, dedication to his family and all of the people he loves.

This has brought sadness to her life and mine, a hole in her heart and as her friend I will be there to fill even a tiny little part of it because I love her very much, she is my soul mate, my love.

She has helped me rid me of my sadness as I will help her to cope with hers.

"We are Gold Dust in our hands...."
Tori Amos

Conversations: Moments In Time - Dance Performance

You are an invited to a debut of Larissa Schiano's Choreography performed by Living Through Movement. This production has been made possible by Council on the Arts & Humanities for Staten Island.

I would love for you to come and enjoy the beauty and excitement of Modern Dance.

Looking forward to seeing you there! :)

Wow, It's been so long since I wrote on here. A couple of months I think... lol.

I've been learning. I've been watching. I believe that I've learned more at this age in my life so far. I've realized that people aren't who they seemed to be. Everybody is different. I was once told by a wise woman that you should look into people's eyes. You see that there is a whole different world on the inside. So we think, what do people see when they look at us?... Well, that remains a mystery. I've been so caught up with being perfect that I never stopped and lived. I never lived for myself. But that's all changed. I love what I do. I love to dance. I love to act. I love to laugh. And know, I love to live. I have such a long life ahead of me, thanks to god. I will travel through my life with grace, poise, and happiness. There will be a few bumps on the way there, because nothing and no one are perfect, but i'll use what i love to get through it.

Cheers to l i f e 

Right now...

It's not as clear as it used to be. Memories that I thought would stay so vibrant in my mind, are beginning to fade. When I try to reminisce and think back to that time, only vague images pop up in my mind. As soon as I begin to get a somewhat clear sight of the image; is disappears . Disappears to place that seems so far from here. These memories that I have from a very short period of my life,  are a part of what has made me who I am today.  I think to myself- ist i good that these  these images have turned into  fogged mirrors that we wipe away after a steamy shower that has cleaned the many layers of the days work and experiences. As I look in the mirror struggling to see myself and who I am, I am struck by the correlation of memories to present moment - momentary present actions can depict my mental state. The present is the only moment we have. The past has passed on, and the future is nothing but a mystery; a mire fantasy that lies within the coming roads.
Those memories, the ones that have faded are symbolic, are hurtful, are real, are disappointing, are parts of myself that I want to forget, but at the same time am struggling to hold on too. For What ? What reason do I have to hold onto his hurtful memories that symbolize pain, hurt, violence, aggression, ignorance, shame, obsession, submission, betrayal......forgiveness. Forgiveness....I always kept forgiving. It's part of my nature. I forgive everyone...everyone but myself. It is hard to forgive ourselves and to accept what we have done. We sometimes define our selves by our actions, but actions...actions are...an Organized activity to accomplish an objective. Objective? Objective? Do our actions define who we are or do we define our actions?
Are actions, choices the definitive of us -the  individual or are there influences or circumstances that alter our decisions or choices which create our actions?

The choice for me to want to remember these now faded memories - is it altered by the subconscious mind for me not to remember them because of the state of self - because of my lack of forgiveness to myself  or has my mind moved on to a place that desires peace- the path of the heart.

These are questions that will never be answered, and that is OK. We never really have the answer to anything, we think we do...but we don't . All you have is this breath. The memories from the past are here they are alive, but it is up to you to determine how much life you are willing to give them.

So do our actions determine who we are, or do we determine our actions?

Our experience was powerful,  I will never forget it - but what I remember is beginning to fade- maybe this comes with forgiveness. Because I will always remember your face, I see it everyday, what a beautiful face it is - his smile is just like yours, his eyes exact- this comes with forgiveness- do I know for sure- No- but at this moment - this breath-this is how I feel and I am gonna hold onto this ...because right now is all I have.
 

Voice

I just want to scream
Open my mouth as wide as it can go
Letting out the loudest piercing sound my voice can make
Release every part of voice that is held in this body
I hold back my screams
Which hold back my thoughts
Which hold back my emotions
I am holding back and holding onto 
Myself
Parts of me that need to be let go
I release through movement
I must release through sound
My truest potential is becoming effected by my lack of vocalization
The thoughts are just multiplying in my mind, and as much movement as I create
And as many breaths I take-
I am chained
I am a prisoner of my own thoughts
I am prisoner of my lack to express how I feel verbally
I  need to change
I need to scream...
I need to whisper...
But most of all ...I need to talk-

Out loud and speak ...to create  my peace

"Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat, your breathing. It's the rhythm of your life.

It's the expression in time and movement, in happiness, joy, sadness and envy."

- Jaques D'Amboise

This week we started a new number for our performance coming up in November. Like with most new dances, I’m very excited. I love the ideas Larissa has and I love seeing these dances come to life. Trying different moves seeing what works with the music and trying to express a certain Idea, is all the things I love about dancing.  This new number I think will be amazing.  I’m so thankful for having dance in my life. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t dance, whether I’m dancing out a full combination or just dancing around the kitchen. Dancing has become such vital part of my life, I don’t know what I would do without it. Through dance I’ve learned so much about myself and its through dance that i have found lifelong friendships . I will always be thankful for dance.

One of the best feelings in dance is when you begin new choreography. The feeling of pushing your limit and doing something you have never done before is exhilarating. It's strange how one may crave to learn new routines and new steps when it comes to dance, but keep the rest of one's  life on a conveyor belt eliminating change as much as possible. I am starting to welcome change into my life and appreciate all that it brings. Life is constantly changing and it is important to open your mind to such changes. I see my life as a beautiful piece of music and I am the choreographer.

A new creation...

Today was a great day at rehearsal. It is such a wonderful feeling to have talented committed dancers. I can see it in all of there eyes- they love to dance just as much as I do. I love dance so much- It really is a part of me and helps me to define who I am as a person. The relationship I have with dance is so incredible and I love it more and more each day of my life. It is such an amazing feeling to create dances. I listen, and feel the music and just react- before you know it a dance begins. I had a teacher who believed in me that told me I had what it takes to create beautiful dances, I think of her always. I thank the world for giving me the gift of dance. It is the most precious gift ever given to me (Aidan too!). If I don't do something with it; I will not be able to share my voice with the world, and I will not feel like I am alive. I want to live my life the way it is intended ; dance is a part of that intention.

Each dance created creates a new part of myself...

...and so she would dance

I heard of this poem once before and i just wanted to share it with everyone im not sure of the writer

"She realized she was lucky - because she could actually see it - how the trees got more beautiful each year...how they danced with such graceful pride, surviving each season's change...and she knew their beauty lied not in the perfection, but the growth...and she could see it - in the trees, the people around her, and some days, even in herself...AND SO SHE WOULD DANCE"


I think we can all probably take and learn something from this poem. I know i certainly will :)

Training is one of the greatest feelings in the world. I am beginning to see how far I can push my mind and body and am developing deeper relationships with family and friends. Anyone can sit on the couch and watch TV with you, but it takes someone strong to pull you off the couch and run /walk 4 miles.

It is a slow progression but I am beginning to feel as enriched in my daily life as I do in dance. Life is about having fun, letting go and being around those who love and respect you. I am starting to realize that it is easy to yell about dirty clothes on the floor or when your husband defrosts 5 pounds of hamburgers and then accidently burns them all on the grill!!! but...Even though it is extremely Easy and immediately rewarding to scream over the little things, it is those little things that mean the most.

 In dance the little movements are not easily taught, a dancer must be able to understood the movements and the emotion through the eyes of the choreographer. These little intricate movements are what takes a routine and changes it into a piece of art. As easily as these little movements sculpt a performance, absence of them can damage or even destroy the image that the choreographer had in mind. It is often the little things in life that are forgotten and like dance these little things are what create or destroy works of art.

Breathing...

Breathing is the key element that creates Prana- our life force. Breath is what gives us life and allows us to experience this beautiful gift called life. Take some time to listen and focus on your breath. Is your breath, your Prana, how you want it to be. As much as the breath is something natural that happens with life, it also  has the ability to take on the movement you wish it to have. Fast and rapid, long and deep, steady and slow- How would you like your breath to serve you?

Happiness x 2

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.”
― John Lennon


What Makes You Happy?

Happiness to me is holding Aidan's hand as I walk him into school
Happiness to me is talking to my mom about my life and my aspirations
Happiness to me  is being in front of a mirror, on a dance floor and just moving and letting go
Happiness to me is when I am on my Yoga mat , it's just me , my breath and the next Asana
Happiness to me is  lying next to my love (mike) and looking into his beautiful eyes
Happiness to me is a long kiss from Aidan where he doesn't want to let go
Happiness to me is watching waves crash against a sun-setting sky
Happiness to me is sitting home on a Saturday night and watching a movie with my family
Happiness to me is discussing life with my dad while we listen to the Rolling Stones
Happiness to me is Sunday dinner with my parents and my poppy
Happiness to me is watching my 87 year old grandfather play with my six year old son
Happiness to me is sharing my love for dance and yoga with the world
Happiness to me is performing on a stage, I feel complete, I am who I am
Happiness to me is hanging out with my brother who is an amazing father
Happiness to me is every Sunday at 9:15 AM -1:30 PM

I could go on....



I used to think happiness was something I was in search for, that I had to figure out- but it was right in front of me all along, I just wasn't aware...

Let it be...

"Letting go of the past means that you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now." -don Miguel Ruiz

Larissa had posted this the other day. I can't help but to really love this quote! Letting go of anything is so hard, especially I feel for me. When I say "letting go" I don't mean holding grudges or being mad and angry at a person. Instead I mean how Larissa wrote it, having attachment. My problem for letting go, is that I always am seeking for answers. I over analyze every aspect and conversation I have in my life. Last year, when I started yoga it was that one point of time I could concentrate and really focus on the now. Of course sometimes my mind may go back to something, which I have to remind myself let go of what happened, let it be.

Within the last few months my life has changed so much. New people have entered my life while others have left, reconnecting with old friends while losing touch with new ones. I firmly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. People come and go, each having a reason for coming into your life, even if it's only for a short period of time. The only thing to do is be happy of the time you have with people. Let go of everything else and just let life be.

When it comes to dancing, balance comes naturally. My body can melt into position and pause in the moment for as long as it needs to, my mind is still and my muscles are working in my favor. I wish I could take this stability and transfer it into my everyday life.  I've been working on the four agreements and have been unsuccessful for the past four days.

I cannot balance family, friends, work and school properly without feeling as if I am slacking in one area. I am at a scary turning point in life. I will be moving in August and have very limited funds to live off of. I am scared. And as I grow in fear I create a negative environment around me that leaves me vulnerable to what others say and in turn I lose the ability to be impeccable with my word.  Why is it so easy to balance when dancing? Why can I not take the feeling of stability and control and transfer it to my everyday life. 

thoughts...

Time to set aside all those passed experiences that hold me back from being there person I truly am. Dreams, words, actions creating a blueprint for who I am today- Time to let them go. The beauty of life is that we have full control over who we want to be, and what we would like to happen in our lives. When unexpected events come up, we just have to embrace them and find ways to just breath through them. There is nothing more present then breath. Breath is the present moment in it's purest form. I must take each moment breath by breath and try to understand that there is peace to be found, found in a place that I have not been looking; myself. I have the answers, but do I have the strength to make them become actions? Yes I do! The time is now.

....

I really don't know how I feel about letting go. I think this is one of the  hardest circumstances to live thorough. Letting go is something that I do not like to do, especially when it deals with someone or something I love or have genuine attachment too. I think sometimes if there is love there or comfort which then leads to attachment. We attachment ourselves to so many objects, people, situations that are just not good for us to that are also  Why is detachment so much harder than attachment- I have always found it is very easy for me to let people into my life, to open my heart but when it is time to let go, I continuously feel weight, or just a shade projected over my self, my being. I am at a very sad point in my life, something that I have always wanted has turned into s situation that  never though to experience or see. I need strength and I need to find truth. I look for truth in others rather then looking and listening to myself. I seek approval form others rather then giving myself approval. Am I living for myself or am I living for others? Why is it that sometimes when we live for ourselves others that we love can become hurt...

the road...

The road will feel solemn , the road will be filled with happiness, the road will be filled with regret. The road is long, and twisting, and bumpy. It can never be a straight run. But why do we expect it to be, Sheer optimism, hope, faith. faith gets you through the bumps.All expectations should be lost.

Just being is what it's all about, and believing in what you are doing. Following your heart, your intuition, it never steers you wrong. It's a matter of quieting the mind so that we may hear that beautiful, soft voice.
Open your heart, sing a lullaby to the mind,  and you will hear....

Every week dance opens my eyes to something new.  Larissa has inspired me to express myself through movement as well as through intellectual growth.  On Sunday after dance I took a trip to Barnes and Nobles after Larissa had recommended me to read  the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

The Four Agreements was an extremely easy read that allowed me to look at life from a different perspective. I have begun to follow these agreements and believe that it is a way of life that creates warmth and heaven on earth. I finished the book on Wednesday and began my vow to "be impeccable with my word, not take anything personally, not make assumptions and always do my best." I am on day three, I have not been perfect as it is extremely hard to change the way you typically respond to things after 22 years of reinforcement, but I already see a difference in my relationships. I have not argued with my family for the past three days and hope that I will be able to say that the next time I write to you.

It is easy to lose sight of who you are and what you want out of life. I am a perfectionist who strives everyday to be the best at everything I do. This drive is a gift as well as a poison. I am working to remove the poison that this gift brings and I would like for you to follow in my journey. I feel amazing when I am at dance and I am working to create that positive vibe in my everyday life.  

-San

Continuation...

As Laura stated, to dance is to express, to let those inner emotions release. The body can be utilized to express whatever emotion or thought a person may be experiencing. The body and movement  are such  natural tools of expression. I cannot help, but to observe peoples body expressions. How they walk, stand, sit, move or not move their hands when they speak,  a persons eyes and even their mouth. All of these physical cues tells a lot about how a person is feeling at that very moment. The natural state of expression is done through the body.   No verbal communication is needed to obtain an idea of how a person is feeling. There have been times when I have spoken to people and asked them" How are you today" and there first response is "Good" but , there facial muscles a drawn downward, they are slouching, speaking with no enthusiasm. Once you start speaking to them the truth comes out; how they are REALLY feeling.

Your body is your truth, it is the natural reflection of  your state of mind.

Allowing your body to speak, allows your mind to release. Releasing that inner voice, allows you to let go of the baggage from days, months, years ago. Letting go is the only way we can move ahead. You can walk in grace or walk in place. Let go and just be. Dance is a beautiful tool, one that allows me to keep smiling, keep living and keep appreciating all that I have.

Om Namah Shivayah

Dancing is Expressing

Life is filled with different emotions love, happiness, sadness, anger, attachment...
The reason I love to dance so much is because it gives me a chance to express how I feel. Anyone can dance, but to feel what your dancing, showing your emotions, telling a story with the music and the movement of your body-- that's a dancer!

I was so excited when Larissa told me about the grant. I was even more excited to hear her ideas "Living Through Movement". These dances will express emotions and feelings that everyone experiences in life. I'm truly grateful for this opportunity, as well as having dance in my life. I look forward to the next few months dancing with amazing and talented dancers.

Happiness

Happiness is what I fell when I am dancing and creating. I am surrounded by such beautiful women that are committed and possess the same passion and love for dance as I do. What a beautiful experience this has been sharing our way of expression together. Dance speaks form the soul, it allows for our inner most thoughts, feelings to release; dance is what allows me to cope with being human. It allows me to find  that place inside myself that tells me "everything will be ok". Dance allows me to find peace and equanimity. I am so grateful for the gift of dance. 

Another day...

Another day passes and all I can feel is thankful. I am thankful for my son, family, my partner,and all of the wonderful people I have in my life. I am truly thankful to the universe for allowing me to be here, breathing, living, experiencing. I am thankful for dance, I am thankful for yoga.

Here's to another day of focusing on  finding peace, recognizing the beautiful moments of the day and responding to the not so good, through reason, faith and peace.

Dance, Dance, and some more Dance

My life is made up of my family, friends, school, dance, acting and performing. I dance on a daily basis. I began dancing in 2004 at Evolution Dance Company. Its become more of a lifestyle to me then a hobbie. I dream of being a professional dancer and actress who performs everywhere, and my first step is Larissa's "Living Through Movement" performance. My basic week consumes of school, acting and most importantly Dance.

After a long week of school, SAT prep, Drivers Ed, student government, and dance, my sunday rolls around. I look forward to this day every week. Every sunday, I make an attempt to wake up my sister to attend Larissa's yoga session, but I always seem to fail. Then comes my favorite part; dance practice. Once 11am strolls around, I walk into the EDC studio and it's lit up by the sun's rays. We warm up, stretch and then dance. I am SO thankful to be able to dance with such amazing and experienced dancers. It's an honor to be able to dance with them. I am also blessed to have such an amazing woman like Larissa in my life. She is a phenomenal choreographer and teacher.

I think I speak for everyone when I say that this Grant performance is going to be beautiful... and that it's only the beginning.

Hello, my name is Saranda and I dance because it's my life. D a n c e f o r e v e r

The Next Sequence

Life is about sequences, a serious of movements, feelings that intertwine with each other as well as work against. But in the end it all just comes together. That is how I feel about dance. My life is now at a sequence that I have been dreaming  for so long. A sequence of events that have led me to where I am today; creating dance sequences that express the human experience in a way that the world can feel it speak to their divinity.

I started this blog to document my experience and the dancers of  my work - Conversation Pieces: Moments in Time, Choreographic Dance Pieces by yours truly. I have been awarded a 2012 Premiere grant from the Council Of The Arts of Staten Island New York. I have been dreaming of this moment for many years and now it is here. Dance is what makes me experience life fully and openly. It allows me to listen to that inner voice inside as well as embrace the experiences of the world around.Dance makes me feel complete, whole, grounded, connected, beautiful, alive.Dance allows me to be me.

The dancers performing the pieces will be blogging there experience as well; what beauties they are.

Here's to Dancing through the sequences of your life.

Larissa

Wake up, go to work, go to school.  Wake up, go to work, cook dinner, go to school. Wake up, exhausted push through work, push to clean, push to cook, sit through school straining to stay awake. Wake up and constantly stress and wonder where I will be in five years and if I am making the right choices on a daily basis... then finally, after a week of chaos it's Sunday.

 Before I began dancing on Sunday, it was a day to evaluate my previous week and prepare for the next. A day to once again stress over the many obstacles that face us on a daily basis. I now consider Sunday to be a day of rebirth.  On Sundays I now wake up, appreciate the wonderful husband I have sleeping next to me and smile at the simple act of getting dressed in a hurry before meeting my sister and best friends outside to carpool to yoga. After yoga I grab a snack at my mom's house and say a quick hi and bye to my Poppy before leaving for modern dance.

 I'm just as busy on Sunday as I am during the week but I own a feeling of relaxation. I say OWN because today is the one day that I feel in possession of myself. Through dance I am able to feel what life is all about. Through dance I realize that every minute of every day cannot be planned and executed. For the routine that is danced with precision and perfect execution, isn't nearly as effectual as a dance that is danced from the heart and the soul.


-San

"I picture you in the sun"

Each Day...

Each day settles upon myself and creates anew opportunity to be a little better. A little more open, a little more aware, a little more present. The little is the accent, tr realness, everything happens in small steps bringing us closer to the divinity we all hold within ourselves. We all are divine and beautiful and have the ability to become stripped of all that has held us back or stopped us from following our inner most desires. We are who we are through experience, but where we plan to go is a choice that is present, that is real, that is now. The past does determine your future. It's your choice to let it. Each day is a new moment to become the person you always imagined. Fill your heart with patience, love and courage and it will all fall into place, little by little.

Creative Dance Worshop with Larissa

Releasing your Inner Voice: A Modern Dance Movement Workshop

5Boro Power Yoga

82 New Dorp Plaza 
 Staten Island, NY 10306

(718) 667 5279

www.5boropoweryoga.com

March 31st 12:00-2:00 PM

By listening to your body, and allowing it to ‘speak’, you can experience your own Being more fully. The workshop is for anyone   interested in exploring Creative Movement and Modern Dance Technique as a module for self expression. Movement and Breath will be utilized as a creative medium for personal inquiry, internal exploration and self growth. Whether you have always wanted to dance, or deepen your dance experience, this workshop will provide you with tools and guidance to create, move and release. No previous dance experience is necessary; just a creative mind and the desire to move will allow you to truly enjoy this workshop.